the m word

Some little birds have been bugging me lately that I have something to say about money. (Who me?) I have never been very good with it, in my opinion, but according to my sister I have always had a healthy attitude toward it. When we were kids and we started getting an allowance, she opened a savings account and started depositing weekly. I saved my 50 cents all week to buy something for a dollar the second week. That is about as good as I have ever been at saving.

But with that tendency to spend I also had a certain trust that there would always be more coming. I have never been a reckless shopper and I don't enjoy excess, but I have no qualms spending it in order to live the life I want. Of course nowadays money is a lot tighter so I am being forced to carefully consider every choice I make and really ask myself, is this important to my life or is this just something I've grown accustomed to having?

To me there is a kind of magic in money. When I lived on a tight budget in the past, money felt like something I had to fight for. I had to work a job that didn't pay enough and the money stream felt more like a trickle out of a rusty pipe. Years later as I expanded into a wife and mother and the financial organizer for the household, I started to see that money would show up when and where we needed it to. There was synchronicity in the way it would appear just at the right time and in the right amount for what we needed. Those were the days of the bubble and it seemed like so many things were growing value, especially real estate where people were making a killing flipping houses in no time. Money felt easy and I started to feel like we were joining the ranks of those who didn't have to worry about it anymore.

I still think that the way it flows or doesn't has everything to do with how I am feeling about it. But I have also learned that having more money does not free you from worrying about it. As the entire world has frozen up around spending and many are struggling to survive, I too have been feeling fearful and worried. And wouldn't you know, money has gotten quite scarce. People aren't buying the way they were and we are feeling it. But I know that it is all just the magic of money showing me how to live, yet again. Responsibly above all. But also with faith that I will always be supported just as I have always been. And even if major changes are in store for us, we will not change the way we live or stop doing what is important to us.

I had to call my sister today. I was telling her how I've been feeling a little nervous about money and debt and the future. She was very reassuring. She said, "Worrying is not the answer. Just stay on top of it, and you'll be fine. You always have been!"